The anger is diluting down and disappearing gradually. I am not sure what will happen to me; it seems that many things are right in front of me; I am bewildered where to start and what resolution I will achieve.
I fumble in the darkness to expect a glimpse of light to lead me out of dark.The life in Canada elapses so fast; the elapsed days erode my soul; the horrible boredom and lonelyness are overwhelming me around, I have no where to escape; the passion and ferment dies into solitude, numb and dull; the omnipresent pressure and tension bothers me day and night. More or less, we have the depression if we are abroad for years.
I am stuck in the muddy marsh, no matter how I struggle, I will fall down deeper as I move more aggressively.The dilemma is the touching thing I have to deal frequently. Maybe it is the crisis of maddle age; I am lingering in the life intersection; not a single destination is easy to reach. The motional volcano will erupt sooner or later. The fear of darkness conquers my living background.I am not intended to breathe my last breath as most immigrants do, even the effort is futile. The fidgety mind ignites the desire to go upward to the goal,even it is far almost unreachable.
To follow the mind not the heart, but my mind is blank, my heart is transparent; To follow my sense, but my sense is in a mess. I am lost in the intersection, the orientation is hard to seek. The life is like a leaf to float in the air,randomly land nowhere, to be covered by dust and dirt, steped by the passer.I rcall the words from" The gone with the wind", " I'll go to sleep today, tomorrow I will find the way as the sun arises on the east. I will find the way......
I am longing to the disturbance; the tranquilty, boredom and dullness drowns me to death, even a naughty kid's throwing stone will save me.The still water waits for the hit of the throwing stone in the middle of the creek; the vibration around the center point gradually spread far away to the outer circle from the original, diluting away and disappearing gradually.
I am longing for the palpitation of my heart, longing for the new life;no matter it is ascending or descending as long as I am living in my life truelly. I will dominate the life and maneuver it to my destination.
Numerous failures activate numerous more attempts until I stand right on the failure steadily. The beauty is seen as the seagull hovers in the windy and rainy sky. The bitterness will enhance the taste of life. I have reached to the top of moutain, I have fallen down to the deepest of ocean. One employee perfers to retire now if possible. How do I carry myself upward, I have no wing to flip with.
Life is climbing an invisible ladder to reach the pinnacle of goals; Life is an invisible war field, we have to make a competition with numerous unknown rivals,even I have no desire for player kick.The horrible thing is that we have to compete with ourselves to send our life upward to a new higher level constantly.
